Undying Love
by musiclover248
Summary: When Erin returns from a trip away Jay quickly falls back in love with her. When she starts working with Intelligence again a difficult case puts her in harms way.
1. Chapter 1

Author note: All italics are flashbacks. Please enjoy and leave a review.

As Erin Lindsay walked from the plane into the Chicago airport, she had to stop and take it all in. She had been away for two years, working, travelling, making memories. Nothing beat Chicago though, there was no doubt that this was her home.

As she walked down the stairs impatiently she looked at all the happy reunited families. A smile came across her face. As she walked past the crowd of people she heard somebody call her name. Confused, she turned and was shocked. It was Jay. She hadn't expected him, she hadn't even told anybody that she was coming back home, except for Voight. As he fought his way through the crowd, she stood, frozen in place, forgetting how to breath.

Finally, Jay burst through and quickly wrapped Erin in a hug, both of them feeling as if not a day had passed since the last time they saw each other. As Jay tried to haul back to get a better look at Erin he felt her grip tighten. He leaned back into her and they stood in the warm embrace forgetting the people all around them. A few silent moments passed before they took a step back from each other. Quickly Jay gave Erin a lopsided smile and they walked together to get her luggage.

Jay effortlessly grabbed her packed suitcases and carried them to his car. As Erin climbed into the front seat Jay reached into his pocket to grab his keys, but was quickly perplexed by what felt like an old piece of paper. Curious, he took it out, unfolding it and reading what it said. Instantly a vivid memory began to dance in his mind.

 _It had been a difficult case for Intelligence. It all started out as a missing child report. As they completed their other cases, they_ _were supposed to keep a look out for a four year old missing girl. It had been a few weeks since she had gone missing and most people had given up hope, only searching halfheartedly and never expecting to find her._

 _As they searched a house looking for a wanted fugitive Voight directed Jay to head downstairs and search the basement. As he rounded the corner, he_ _was overwhelmed with a huge pile of blood, and three bodies. There was a woman, mid thirties with deep cuts through her abdomen and large cuts all over her face. A young child, around eight, with a bullet hole through his head and a young girl in a bright pink raincoat with a doll lying next to her, her neck was clearly broken and her small, frail body had multiple stab wounds. Although it was hard to tell from the state she was in, Jay knew that this was the missing child._

 _He stood over the bodies unsure of how to react. Suddenly he heard a voice on his radio, it was Antonio, announcing to the group that they had found the fugitive that was trying to escape from an upstairs window. With a sigh Jay used his radio to tell the rest of the team what he had found and although the hurried down the stairs it seemed like an eternity passed with him alone in the basement. As he stood waiting for the rest of the team to arrive, he_ _tried to distract himself. Finally, they entered the room and Jay turned, with weak knees, he_ _climbed the stairs, needing to get away from the horrible sight._

 _As he lay in bed that night trying to sleep the image stuck with him. He tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but_ _eventually he gave up on trying to sleep. He flipped the covers over and walked out of his bedroom and into the living room. He turned on the television and opened his laptop. On the desktop it said that he had a missed e-mail. Curious, he clicked onto it and was pleasantly surprised. It was from Erin. She told him about her life now and how much she missed her friends from back home._

 _The e-mail pulled at Jays heart. He hadn't realized how much he missed her until he read it. She was exactly what he needed right now and although he couldn't see or hold her, the message allowed him to think of her._

He had completely forgotten about even printing out the message, but as he read the paper he remembered. For a few months he had taken it everywhere with him and read it every night before he went to bed, thinking of her. Eventually he stopped though, hating the emotions he felt in the morning waking up after dreaming of her all night, completely alone.

Shaking his head, he climbed into the car. As he got in he looked over at Erin and smiled to himself. He threw the car in gear and started the drive to the district.

When they entered through the doors of the 21st district Erin laughed to herself, it was exactly the same as when she left. With a quick hello to the officers working downstairs she followed Jay to the stairs leading to Intelligence. When they walked in everybody stood and hurried over to greet their friend that they had been away from for so long. After what seemed like a hundred hugs everyone headed back to their desks to finish their work. Not wanting to be a distraction Erin headed into Voight's office.

Unsurprisingly he was sitting at his desk, head in his hands, lost in thought. He did this frequently when working on difficult cases. Quietly, Erin knocked on his door. He looked up, meeting her gaze and invited her in. He stood from his desk and walked around giving Erin a warm hug.

"Welcome back, kid" Voight said as he stepped away. "Look, I'm sorry but I don't have much time right now. Difficult case. If you want you can go back to my place for a bit and I'll see you later."

Erin already felt awkward and out of place in the station after being away so long so she decided to leave. After a quick goodbye to her former coworkers Erin grabbed her coat and left through the front doors.

The cold air instantly hit her, sending a chill down her spine. She had ran through her return hundreds of times in her mind but this was not how she had pictured it. She felt alone, abandoned. She began walking down the sidewalk, thinking, only vaguely aware of her surroundings. After around a half hour Erin decided to turn around and head back to the precinct. Everyone would be leaving soon, probably heading out to Molly's or some other bar. She would just get a ride with someone.

As she turned the corner near the precinct and continued walking she seen the other Intelligence members emerging. She quickened her pace, trying to catch up to the dark figures. She caught up and fell into place with the others.

"Hey. Is it alright if I tag along with you guys" Erin casually asked, unsure of where she fit in the group now.

"Yeah, sure. We're just heading down to catch the Blackhawks game at Molly's" Jay replied eagerly.

Erin quickly scanned the faces of the other members of the group trying to ensure that they all felt the same way, not wanting to invade if she was not welcome. Satisfied that nobody seemed to have any issues with her being there she smiled to herself, grateful to have such great friends.

Erin drove to the bar with Jay, feeling awkward in his company for the first time in her life. She was confident usually, but the air between them suddenly felt very still, tense. Trying to ease her discomfort Erin reached to turn on the radio, turning away from him to look out the window.

Finally, they reached the bar and climbed out of the car meeting up with some of the others that had gotten there early. They grabbed the same table they had always used and after ordering a few drinks, settled into some conversation. Most of the focus was on Erin and how her adventures had been, her new experiences, and her plans for the future. Erin answered their questions quickly trying to get the attention off of her. She stopped however about what her next step was. She hadn't really thought about it too much, but now considered the fact that she had to try and find a new job, and whether she would stay here with her friends or move on to something new again.

Voight was sitting across the table and told her that if she was interested he could pull some strings and try and get her back on the Intelligence team, if she wanted her place back again. Without a second thought Erin agreed that it had been a good fit and that she had missed her second family the entire time that she had been away. Trying not to take this for granted she voiced her appreciation and started to sip her beer while she watched her friends settle into normal conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

Erin woke up the next morning smiling, it was her first day back with Intelligence and she was ready. As she climbed out of bed she felt happy. She felt accepted, as if the piece of herself that she had lost was finally replaced. She remembered where she fit now.

She quietly walked out of her old bedroom at Voights and followed the small hallway to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. To her surprise Voight was already in the kitchen.

"Good morning" she said in a happy voice. Voight turned to look at her and with a small tip of his head as a greeting, she continued to the coffee maker. As she poured the coffee she noticed Hank stand and leave the room. She took her cup and headed back to her room to get ready for the day.

Erin quickly got ready after drinking her coffee and followed Voight to his car. They drove in comfortable silence, neither needing constant noise to be happy. Erin found herself watching the roads more, looking for differences in the city she called home, it was almost identical to the way it looked before she left though, not that she was surprised.

They arrived at the station much faster than she remembered and they walked in and up the stairs, ready to start their day and get back to a normal routine. The only people that were there when Erin arrived were Halstead and Ruzek. They were standing and talking while drinking their coffee. Erin casually walked over and joined the group, feeling as welcome as always. After a few minutes however she left to go get her desk ready.

As Erin started putting a few personal items around her work area she started to relax. Since she had arrived she had been on edge, but now she felt herself becoming more calm and ready.

Over the next twenty minutes the rest of the team showed up and they started talking about the case they were working on, briefly going over the information that they already had. They were searching for Daniel Price, an ex-convict that was suspected of committing a string of armed robberies in the past few weeks since he had gotten out of prison. It was a fairly straightforward case.

Instead of wasting time sitting around waiting to see if any more tips came in everybody went out to try and see if they could find him in any of his old hangout spots.

Halstead and Erin were paired up again and as they walked down the stairs they argued lightly about who got to drive. As usual Erin won the argument and climbed in behind the wheel with a smug look on her face. They drove to the place that Daniel had been known to frequent before getting arrested and started driving around, scanning the area for anything out of place.

After a few laps of the area and talking to each other on the radios for a bit they decided to spread out a bit and widen the search area. As Erin drove the car around on some small side streets she fell into easy conversation with Jay. They fit together really well.

Just over a half hour later when Erin and Jay were driving past a kids playground they seen someone that fit Prices' description. He hadn't seen them. Erin pulled the car into a parking spot nearby, calling the rest of the team over the radio. They planned on blocking off the exits and surrounding him, however he got up and started to walk away.

Erin and Jay both got out of the car, ready to go after him alone if they had to. At this point he looked back and seen the police officers, and broke into a sprint. As they took off after him they heard the sirens of the other officers pulling in. They quickly pulled their cars in next to the exits, blocking his path.

Noticing the cars, he began to slow, giving Erin just enough time to catch him. As she lunged toward him he turned around, both of them falling to the ground, he gave her a small smile just before she felt something stab deeply into her stomach. Jay pushed her out of the way, ready with his handcuffs. As she looked down she seen a knife handle protruding from her stomach.

"Jay" Erin said, her voice shaky. He was focused on the arrest. With a slight turn of his head he passed the criminal to Ruzek. In a panic Erin pulled the long knife out of her body, blood steadily pouring out. Finally Jay realized what had happened and ordered for someone to call an ambulance while he knelt next to Erin.

He used his hands to try and help with the bleeding, gently talking to Erin the entire time. "Hey, it's alright, the ambulance is on it's way, you're gonna be fine."

Her eyes started to close, weak from the blood she had lost. "Erin, come on, you need to stay awake, come on open your eyes." Jay said as his eyes started to overflow with tears. "You just came back, you can't leave again, please Erin, stay with me." His pleas were useless. It was too late. She was gone.

As the ambulance pulled up and the paramedics hopped out, Jay sat on the grass, holding Erins body, his body trembling with his sobs.

"Hey, you have to let go now Jay, come on they have to do their job. You did what you could." Ruzek said as he desperately tried to get Jay to step out of the paramedics way. Finally he just pulled him out of the way, realizing that trying to talk him through it was pointless.

The paramedics knelt down next to Erin, checking her lifeless body for a pulse, heartbeat, anything. She wasn't breathing, there was no life in her body. They loaded her onto the stretcher, declared her as dead, and took her body to the hospital.

Jay sat on the grass where her blood remained, unable to move. "She just came back, I just got my chance, now she's . . . she's gone" he said before crumpling in on himself. "I loved her so much, I didn't even get to tell her."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

After Erins death, Jay took some time off, feeling lost. He never realized just how much he loved her until it was too late. He felt alone and miserable, incapable of completing even the simplest tasks. Jay felt no desire to try without Erin in his life. She made him a better person and he couldn't fathom the idea that he would never see her again.

On the day of the funeral Jay awoke early. As he sat up in his bed he noticed that his body felt incredibly heavy. He could barely muster the strength to lift his arm to run it through his hair. Leaning against the back of his bed he looked out the open window. The sky was a deep grey colour with a light rain falling. The air was frigid and tinged with a terrible smell. Although it was still early he could tell that it was going to be a miserable day.

After lying on the bed for a while, Jay finally crawled out from under the covers and went to get ready. He took out his suit from the closet and laid it out on the bed. Before dressing he went to get a cup of coffee from the kitchen.

As he walked he remembered all the times that he dreamt of living in the apartment with Erin, imagining her clothes on the closet hangers, pictures together on the side tables, a family in the making. He shook his head, trying to get the image out of his mind. He knew he had too much to do today to take a trip down memory lane. As he poured his coffee he turned on the television, trying to find something to distract himself.

Finally he gave up and returned to his bedroom to get changed. As he pulled on the suit that the rest of his co-workers would be wearing as well, he felt a few tears fall. He angrily wiped them away. He walked to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, fixed his hair, and took a final steadying breath before leaving his apartment.

He drove to the 21st district in silence. He was trying to mentally prepare himself for the days activities. Sure, he had been to funerals of cops before and although it was always difficult, this was going to be one of the hardest things that he ever had to do. Erin was more than a partner to him, she was his best friend, his missing half.

When Jay got to the district he noticed all the cars outside. When he walked in the lobby was full of off duty police officers, there to show their support. Jay kept his head down and walked up the stairs to Intelligence. Everyone was leaving from the station together to go to the graveyard.

Jay was the last one to arrive. The rest of the team was already upstairs, adjusting their suits or having quiet conversations. Instead of joining the others, Jay walked over to his desk alone.

Soon after Jay arrived it was time to go to the graveyard. He drove with Ruzek, not trusting himself to drive. They drove in silence, neither in the mood to have a conversation.

When they arrived at the graveyard Jay found himself frozen in place. He wasn't ready. Ruzek noticed his stillness and finally broke the silence. "Hey, we have to go now, everybody is waiting." Jay turned his head, looking out the window. Struggling to take a breath around the lump in his throat he knew that Ruzek was right. He finally undid his seat belt and opened his door.

Adam and Jay walked across the small field together towards the large crowd surrounding an open grave. They walked past the people and joined in their place next to the rest of the Intelligence team. Although the service had just started many people were already crying. Fellow cops, co-workers, people that had been helped by the Intelligence team, as well as a few family members and friends were there. Jay tried to hide his emotion by staring down at the ground for most of the time, until it came time for them to salute.

As they started to lower the casket into the ground the Intelligence team took a step forward and Jay quickly wiped his face and looked forward. As he lifted his arm he felt his heart tighten. He just wanted this day to be over.

Once the casket was lowered people said their final goodbyes. One by one people walked towards the hole and said what they needed to before walking back to their cars. Everyone was getting ready to move on with their lives. Jay quietly walked over to Ruzeks car, unable to look at the hole where Erin now was any longer.

Once Adam realized that Jay was waiting for him, he walked towards his car, ready to do what he could for his friend.

"Hey, you alright?" Ruzek asked as he opened the door to his car.

Jay looked up at him and, trying to maintain an even tone said "Yeah, I just want to go home, I need a break from all this right now. My car is at the district so I can drive from there."

"Alright. Look I know it's tough right now but if you need anything we're all here for you. Don't forget that."

Jay gave a light shake of his head and turned once again to look out the window.

When they arrived at the district Jay quickly said thanks and walked over to his car. He put on his seat belt and made the trip to his house in a daze. He walked up the stairs, into his apartment and straight to his bedroom. He took off his clothes and reached into his drawer for a pair of pyjamas. After dressing he climbed back into bed, unsure of what to expect for the future.


	4. Chapter 4

A few days after Erin passed Jay felt himself slipping. He started to drink excessively and he was always miserable. His life lacked purpose. He felt himself trying to push her memory away as it was too painful for him to deal with. He clutched at anything that could help him try and forget the impact that she had on his life. He had taken a lot of time off from work to try and figure things out, but it only seemed to push him farther off course.

His life seemed hopeless until one day he went out for a drive. He wasn't going anywhere specific more just getting out of the house. The next thing that he knew he was in the graveyard. He forced himself to get out of the car and walk to her grave, convinced there was a reason that he had ended up there.

As he knelt next to her head stone, he removed a few weeds and felt an overwhelming warmth flood his body. For the first time in weeks the hole that he felt in his chest stopped aching. He started to speak, finally voicing the pain that he had been feeling. Jay left the graveyard that first day feeling the best that he had since she had died.

Just over a week later Jay went back to the 21st district, ready to resume his duties. He felt more prepared than he had in a long time. He felt that although he still had a long road of recovery he knew that he would be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

ONE YEAR AFTER ERINS DEATH

Jay closed his car door gently and walked around to get the flowers out of the back seat of his car. He was at the graveyard again. He came at least once a week to put fresh flowers on Erins grave and talk to her.

Visiting her allowed Jay to continue with his normal activities. It helped him heal his ever present emotional wounds. It gave him a reason to go on.

As Jay approached Erins grave he thought about what he was going to say. This was a big day and he wanted it to be special. He had stayed up the previous night thinking about it as well and was finally confident in what he had to say.

As he stood next to the headstone he quietly said "This has been a crazy year. A lot has changed and honestly I never thought that I would be here today with some of the things that happened. Although it's been a year since you died, it still feels like yesterday. I still dream of the things that we could have done together, of our lives becoming one. I miss you beyond belief and everyday I wish that it could have been me instead. You are the reason that I am here, you saved me. So thank you for that because without you there would be no me. You made everyday special for me and I just wish that you were still here to share this with me. I wish that we had more time together. Time to make memories, to grow old together, and to love each other. I wish I had told you the things that I wanted to before. I wish you were more than just a memory. I love you Erin, more than life itself."

Jay vowed to himself that he would not let Erins memory die. He would not let their story end there. He would never let their love die.


End file.
